Who We Are & what we do

A story that we tell ourselves that I call Toxic Shame.

An experience of social terror, I am going to call that a shame flood.

A feeling that tells us what our integrity really is, I am going to call that remorse.

However sometimes we grow up in a space where we have a really hard thing we have to do as a child and generally it creates what I think of as a shame core. It’s a story that I’m not worthy, it’s a story of I’m not good enough and it’s a story of I’m too much, I’m a burden. It’s a story that there is something wrong with me. It is generally a story that is created and has to be created when we are in a family system or a larger environment where I have this really hard decision that is not made in a conscious way at all, but I can either face the fact that I am unprotected and that nobody is there and I can not depend on the people around me and be basically terrified all the time because I am a little child or I can imagine that somehow there is something wrong with me and if only I could figure out what that is, I can get safety. That story is brilliant because it puts us in more control. That story is brilliant because it says I can do something about this so it give us hope in a situation where there is absolutely no hope but the story really sucks because what I take in is there is something wrong with me and if I could only figure out what that is I can unlock the code and find safety and find protection and find the things I need, find nurture and find celebration of who I am. If only I could unlock this code and the code is build on there is something wrong with me and I need to fix it. It’s great because it is empowering, its great because it gives us hope, its hard because the story is terrible. I call that a shame core. It is one of those things that is feeding up to the neocortex all the time and it’s held in this little neuro network that just knows this thing is true and we walk on it like it is the floor under our feet. It was really important to tell ourselves that story because it saved the mind. The brains natural response to safety is integration, the brains natural response to fear is less integration, the brain would spilt into parts. If a little brain had to live in terror all the time it would totally fragment and split into lots of tiny pieces. 

If this is you, we would love to help you break free of that story, because you matter.

We often find people are given labels by the NHS, this is so that they can recommend the most appropriate medication or specialists to support you.

We however find that most of the symptoms that clients present with are routed in trauma and as such we look to treat or process the trauma therefore reducing the symptoms.

Borderline Personality is often characterised by the following:

Everyone betrays my trust, I can not trust anyone

If I trust someone today they will betray me later...

When I hope, I will become disappointed.

When I am angry my emotions are extreme and out of control.

When I get angry my emotions go from annoyed to furious.

Others are unreliable, let me down or reject me and therefore I need to protect myself.

When I hurt emotionally, I do whatever it takes to feel better

Life at times feels like an endless series of disappointments followed by pain.

I try to control and not to show my grieving loss and sadness, but eventually it comes out in a rush of emotions.

My feelings about myself are so poor that I will do whatever I need to do to compensate for this.

Whenever I try to feel better I will make things worse and I feel more pain eventually.

Whenever I need someone they are not there for me there is no one I can count on.

As you may be able to see, this collection of statements which often depict the experiences of people with this label tell a story of relational trauma.

 Detailed Analysis for Clients on the Importance of Therapists Upholding Safe Boundaries and Prioritizing Their Own Well-being

The Foundation of Trust

Therapists are often entrusted with sensitive and deeply personal information. This relationship is built on a foundation of trust, which is crucial for effective therapeutic work. According to the BACP Ethical Framework, being trustworthy is a serious ethical commitment that involves making the client the primary focus of attention during sessions (Page 6, 13).

The Principle of Autonomy

Respect for the client's autonomy is another core principle. This means that therapists must honor the client's right to make decisions about their own lives, including their mental health treatment. However, this autonomy is not absolute. In exceptional circumstances, therapists may need to prioritize the safety of the client or others, even if it means overriding the client's explicit wishes or breaching their confidentiality (Page 13, 16).

The Importance of Self-Care for Therapists

Therapists are not immune to the stresses and emotional toll that can come from their work. The BACP Ethical Framework states that therapists should take responsibility for their own well-being as it is essential for sustaining good practice with clients (Page 27). This includes:

- Taking precautions to protect their own physical safety.

- Monitoring and maintaining their own psychological and physical health.

- Seeking professional support and services as needed.

- Keeping a healthy balance between work and other aspects of life.

Why This Matters for Clients

1. Resilience and Resourcefulness: A therapist who is not well cannot provide the level of care and attention that clients deserve. Therapists are encouraged to ensure they are "sufficiently resilient and resourceful" to meet professional standards (Page 27).

2. Ethical Dilemmas: Therapists are trained to navigate complex ethical dilemmas that may arise during therapy. Their ability to do this effectively is compromised if they are not in a good state of health (Page 27).

3. Quality of Service: Therapists are committed to providing an appropriate standard of service to their clients. This is only possible if they are also taking care of themselves (Page 6).

4. Safety and Well-being: Therapists share a responsibility for the safety and well-being of all clients and their protection from exploitation or unsafe practice (Page 13).

5. Accountability: Therapists are accountable not only to their clients but also to their profession. This accountability includes maintaining their own well-being to ensure they are providing the best care possible (Page 9).

By understanding the importance of these ethical considerations, clients can better appreciate why therapists need to maintain boundaries and prioritize their own well-being. It's not just for the therapists' benefit; it's crucial for the safety and effectiveness of the therapeutic relationship.

At Counselling Wiltshire, we prioritise the safety and well being of all our therapists because each therapist will be taking care of a number of vulnerable clients.  If a therapist's wellbeing is compromised it doesn't just impact one client, it is likely to impact the whole case load and put everyone at risk and because our clients well being matters we are not prepared to compromise on this.

Our focus is solely on the symptoms of trauma:

The BACP Ethical Framework outlines several key principles that therapists must adhere to, including:

1. Being Trustworthy: Honouring the trust placed in the practitioner.

2. Autonomy: Respecting the client’s right to be self-governing.

3. Beneficence: Promoting the client’s well-being.

4. Non-maleficence: Avoiding harm to the client.

5. Justice: Fair and impartial treatment of all clients.

6. Self-respect: Fostering the practitioner’s self-knowledge, integrity, and care for self.

The Challenge with Narcissistic Traits

People with narcissistic traits often struggle with respecting boundaries, which poses a risk to the therapist's well-being and the therapeutic relationship. Here's why:

1. Trustworthiness at Risk: Narcissistic traits can involve manipulative behaviors that can erode the trust necessary for a therapeutic relationship.

2. Autonomy Compromised: Narcissistic individuals may try to control the therapeutic process, undermining the therapist's professional autonomy and the client's self-governance.

3. Beneficence and Non-maleficence: The inability to respect boundaries designed to keep us safe can lead to situations that neither benefit the client nor avoid harm. 

4. Justice and Fair Treatment: The demanding nature, coupled with the over inflated sense of entitlement often associated with narcissistic traits can lead to an unfair allocation of the therapist's time and resources, affecting their ability to serve other clients effectively.

5. Self-Respect and Self-Care: Therapists must consider their own well-being to serve their clients effectively. Working with individuals who can't respect boundaries can lead to burnout and decreased quality of care for all clients.

Transparency and Training

Ethically, it's crucial to be transparent about the limitations of one's training and experience. Working with narcissistic traits requires specialized training due to the complex nature of the personality structure and the potential for harm to both the client and the therapist.

Conclusion

For the safety and well-being of both the client and the therapist, it's essential to maintain clear boundaries and to work within the scope of one's training and expertise. This is not just a matter of best practice but an ethical imperative.

We do not diagnose but we do notice symptoms and traits. By avoiding work with individuals who demonstrate narcissistic traits without the requisite training, therapists uphold the ethical principles that ensure the integrity of the therapeutic relationship and the well-being of all involved.

If you think you have these traits, or we identify behaviours which persistently undermine our processes or the boundaries that keep us safe we will advise you that we are not the right service for you.  

In the same way, if it becomes evident that you are requesting or requiring more than one hour of contained work per week it is likely that this therapy is not going to be the right service for you.  We do not offer between session support and at times when our therapists are on holiday you will be required to take care of yourself for longer than a week without contacting us.